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http://www.magicofmakingup.com Opening moves to get your ex girlfriend, boyfriend, husband or wife back.
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Welcome back to “How To Get Back An Ex.” This is part 3, part 1 of how to get back an ex is here, part 2 of how to get back an ex is here.
Ok, let’s recap. We talked about the first steps to take. We talked about taking responsibility. And last time we talked about some of the reasons to agree with your breakup. Today I want to discus some of the psychology behind avoiding contact with your ex.
Based on the questions I get, I know this step is the hardest to understand. How can I get back my ex, if I don’t talk to them for a month? Although it may seem counter intuitive, it is the single most important thing you must do to get back an ex.
Again I stress, this is not forever, only three to four weeks, maybe a little longer if you have behaved poorly at the beginning of the breakup.
Here is some of the psychology behind ceasing all contact.
It makes you unavailable. Your ex no longer knows for sure whether or not you’ll come running back at the drop of a hat. Here are the questions that start going through their mind;
“Have they found someone else?”
“How have they moved on quicker than I have?”
“What are they doing?”
“Is it really over for good?”
They’re mind will be on you. They will be checking up on you. They will check your FaceBook and MySpace. They’ll ask your friends about you. They’ll ask their friends about you. They will forget the fight or argument you had. They will start to develop selective memory, only remembering the good things about you and forgetting the bad.
Here is the proof. Think of a childhood friend that at one time you had a falling out with that you haven’t seen in years. Even though you try, I bet you can’t really remember the details of the falling out, only the good times and fun you had with them. 
This is what starts to happen with your ex. They basically start to miss you. This peaks at three to four weeks of no contact. This is the reason for the time.
Here is the other force at work on their psyche behind the scenes. Humans want what they cannot have. They want most what is just outside of their grasp. When they think of you, they now think they cannot have you. This draws them in. We talked last time about people fighting hardest to keep something of value they believe they might lose, this applies as well to this step.
Here is an important point. Perception is reality. Whatever your ex believes is true, is true to them. If they think they will lose you, or you are over them, they will be motivated to take action. So even if this is not the case, if they think it is, to them it is. Fake it.
The chances are strongly in your favor that your ex will contact you within the four weeks. If this happens, great. Move forward slowly and carefully. If not, that is OK, we will contact them after the allotted time.
These tips and advice are just part of a master plan you need to learn. If you truly want to learn how to get back an ex, get the plan, take the course, and live happily ever after. How to get back an ex.
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Welcome back to how to get back an ex. This is part 2, part 1 of “How to Get Back An Ex” is here.
Ok, hopefully you have an understanding as to what your part was in the break up. I know that was hard. However, since you have realized you were partly to blame, we can move on with how to get back an ex.
I don’t want you to rush out and call your ex and start apologizing. You will have the chance to say you’re sorry, but not just yet. We need to adjust your mind set before we move on.
The reason you need to accept SOME of the blame is so you can change the behavior. You can learn all the psychological tricks in the world and get your ex back. But if you don’t change the offending behavior, it will only be short lived. I want these techniques to be used to get back an ex forever, not just for a month or two.
All blame does not belong to you. Your ex is partly to blame as well. But since you are here to learn how to get back an ex, I’ll assume you can move past that.
Another point to realize is that it is not always your actions that cause problems, but your underlying ATTITUDE. You can’t control what happens to you in life, but you can choose how you react to it.
This exercise will go a long way to get back your ex. It creates a mental shift, and puts you on a mental path toward your goal of getting your ex back in your life. So accept the blame in your own mind.
On with the plan.
Let’s cover a couple reasons behind the first step of agreeing with the break up.
Conflict is caused by one person pulling and the other pushing. For example, you are trying to pull your ex in, but since your ex wants out of the relationship, they are pushing you further away. The more you pull, the harder they push.
By agreeing with the breakup, you have put yourself on their side, pushing with them. This will confuse them, which is good. They will not understand your shift. While their mind is spinning trying to understand this, here is the conclusion they will draw.
They will think you have moved on before they have.
This is extremely powerful. They do miss you, they have invested a great deal of time in your relationship together.
This leads to another point. They will feel like they have been broken up with. People take things for granted, it is human nature. Consider running water. You spend zero time thinking about it in your daily life. Now imagine a water main breaks and the city tells you someone on your block will have to be without water for a week. How hard will you fight to make sure it is not you?
People will fight harder and longer to save what they have than to get what they don’t.
More how to get back an ex advice to come. All of the techniques discussed here and many more are contained in the course the “Magic Of Making Up.” This course is especially designed to hold your hand every step of the way, as you learn how to get back an ex.
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Today I want to give some advice on how to get back an ex, even if you are the only one trying to save the relationship.
Obviously, since volumes and complete courses have been published on how to get back an ex, we will not be able to cover everything you need to know here. But hopefully some of the tips and tricks will be good “take aways” for you to use.
Again I will stress the first two steps.
1. Agree with the break up.
2. Avoid all contact for three to four weeks.
I covered the first two steps above in an earlier post “How do I get back my ex.”I will assume you have completed the first two steps and talk about what you should be thinking about when you formulate your plot, if you will, on how to get back an ex.
Beware! Warning! You Have Been Warned!
Some of the things I’ll discus here are manipulative. You won’t get caught, but I want you to be warned up front, that some of the techniques I’ll describe in this post and blog are very powerful and persuasive. But all is fair in love and war right?
So if your interest is not on how to get back an ex, stop reading… Still here? Good. Let me talk just a little more about the techniques before we get into them.
Most psychologists and counselors are concerned that you are ok, and can move on with your life. If that is what you want, you are on the wrong blog. My concern is to help teach you how to get back an ex, whatever it takes.
Many of these techniques will not ever be taught by “relationship and mental health professionals” because they can equally be used for harm and good. I am going to trust that you are not a psycho and move foreword from there.
Here we go…
In a previous post I discussed the first two imperative steps above. I am going to assume you have just started step two. Your head is probably still spinning, so I want to explain what is going on in your ex’s mind. (No I can’t read minds, but I do have a great understanding of how and why people think and do certain things.) You must understand their perspective before you can learn how to get back an ex.
Your ex was fed up with your behavior. They had all they could stand, and they finally reached their breaking point with you. Sometimes they reached the threshold in anger, but mostly from drifting away from you.
Unless you cheated on them, nothing happened on a Tuesday that ended it for them. Your relationship eroded over a period of time. This is important to realize, so you understand it will take time to get back an ex.
I know we have both guys and gals here, and the two think completely differently. It will do you some good to start to understand the differences.
First for the guys. Gentlemen, here is why your girlfriend left you. You either took them for granted and or didn’t appreciate them. This is the reason, period. If you dive deep enough, one or both of these reasons will surface.
Now for the gals. Ladies, the reason your boyfriend left was either your attitude toward them and or your lack of a good attitude toward yourself. Meaning you either made them feel emasculated or had no or not enough self-esteem. This will account for 99% of male actions. It is what we are hard wired for.
Your homework till next post, is to think about which one of these applies to you. In the meantime, for more information on how to get back an ex, click here.
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